🕯️🖤Want to break the taboos about saying goodbye? Click here to read more
🕯️🖤Want to break the taboos about saying goodbye? Click here to read more
Have you ever thought about your values? I have many times, but I have never quite managed to define them, mainly because I have complicated things. But now I have found the right way to define them. Are you interested? I invite you to read on.
FIRST, IDENTIFY WHAT ARE THE GOOD AND BAD VALUES
Good values:
Some examples of good, healthy values: honesty, resourcefulness, vulnerability, self-advocacy, responsibility, self-respect, curiosity, charity, modesty, creativity ...
Bad values:
Some examples of bad unhealthy values: popularity, gossip, jealousy, dominating others through manipulation or violence, jumping from relationship to relationship recklessly, always being right, getting rich for the sake of getting rich...
EXAMPLES OF MY 4 VALUES
HONESTY: this is an example of a good value, it is something that I can fully control, it reflects the truthfulness of the benefits to others, even if they are sometimes unpleasant at the time, but in the long run the value of honesty benefits everyone involved.
ACCOUNTABILITY: I've come to really love this value. I take responsibility for everything that happens in my life, no matter who is to blame in my eyes. It is definitely a value that I can totally control and it is very beneficial to everyone in my life.
JOY: this is a value I have lived since I was a little girl. It is based on reality, I have always loved to learn from others and now it has become an even stronger desire. I prefer to listen to people's stories and observe how and why they react in a certain situation the way they do, without judgement of course.
TRUST TO SELF: an example of a good value that I can control completely and that benefits me in all areas. Why should I choose something in my life if I don't stay true to it. This is the only way I can stay healthy and calm, because I can live my life with this value. If I do not stand up for myself, I will always regret something and that is the only thing I do not want when the moment of death comes.
Values are a living thing that change and evolve over the course of our lives. So you can always add, change and enrich them. Not all the values mentioned above have always been my values.
THE BAD VALUES I USED TO LIVE BY
LIKABILITY: this value is not based on reality, we never know for sure if we are really popular with the people around us or if it's just in our head. We cannot control this value because it does not depend on us, but on the outside world. In fact, we have no idea what someone thinks of us.
ADVERTISING: I often found myself in company where we were always talking about other people. I have often started this conversation myself. But now I quickly catch myself and stop. One thing in particular has helped me. I ask myself whether I can help the person by gossiping. Of course, the answer is always NO. The only thing I can do is that if that person asks for my opinion, I can offer a solution or a recommendation, that's all I can do, but that's assuming that the person has really asked for it.
LOVE: and I have acquired this value, especially in love relationships. I have always been carried away by mistrust into jealousy. Even when I didn't know all the circumstances and made up stories in my head, that was the main trigger for jealousy. Jealousy can happen in business too, especially when you are scattered all over the place and you don't have the focus and the basic notions of honesty in the business world figured out. When you get a clear focus on what your piece in the business mosaic is, then you start to understand what the competition is and then there is no room for jealousy.
I MUST ALWAYS BE RIGHT: I have “inherited” this value a little. But since my new value is to accept responsibility, I no longer point the finger at others, but at myself. Yes, this value is dangerous, and when we do it, let us ask ourselves: is it better to always be right or to choose love instead in these battles? When we choose love, it no longer matters who is right at that moment. It is much more useful to assume that we are ignorant, or that we don't know very much, because then we are always on the path of learning and growth. I find this value the most difficult to eradicate in marriage. But I am working on it.
Bad values are mostly based on external events. Sometimes they are really fun and enjoyable, but they are beyond our control and often require us to behave in socially unacceptable, destructive ways.
VALUES ARE LINKED TO SETTING PRIORITIES
Which values do you consider to be more important than any other and therefore more important than anything else in influencing your decisions?
When we choose bad values, we set bad standards for ourselves and for others, and we dwell on things that do not matter, over which we have no direct influence, and which also make our lives miserable.
When we choose good values, we start to focus on things that matter and improve our well-being, with the side-effects of happiness, pleasure and success.
REMEMBER: VALUES INFLUENCE EVERYTHING WE ARE AND DO. SO, WHEN YOU START WORKING ON YOURSELF, SET YOUR VALUES!
*I have taken some information from the book Down with me, by Mark Menson.
