When I Receive More Than I Give

As I’m writing this, my Ruby, my toy poodle, is sitting in my lap, and I’m thinking about how much dogs have given me over the past 25 years, ever since I first had the chance to become a dog owner.

Every day, I give Ruby my time and love, but that is always limited because I live a fairly busy life. She gives me 100% of her attention whenever I am with her. That little ball of fur is pure love. And in a way, it is similar when you accompany someone who is dying. The time you set aside to be with someone who is saying goodbye to this world is, in fact, also time for yourself.

My example

Every Tuesday, I drive to a care home, where I volunteer with the Slovenian Hospice Society and accompany a resident with an incurable illness. The moment I walk into the home, I am always warmly welcomed by the lady sitting at the reception desk, who smiles at me with genuine joy. Then, on my way to the room, I meet many people, each of whom I greet with at least a smile and a kind thought. But when I enter the room of the resident I accompany, I receive the biggest smile and a sense of gratitude that fills the entire room. He communicates with me mostly through his energy, his smile, and his gestures, because his illness prevents him from speaking. If the weather is nice, I take him out in his wheelchair to a nearby school playground. We already have an established routine there. He loves ball games. First, we pass the ball to each other right in front of the large football goal, so it feels almost as if we are kicking it. Then we move to the basketball court, where during our very first walk he encouraged me to shoot hoops, and together we count to ten successful baskets. Of course, there is always plenty of laughter, because me and ball games have been strangers since childhood—I was always somehow afraid of the ball. He especially enjoys the fact that I am really not very good at basketball. Our last stop at the playground is the ping-pong table. There, we once again pass the ball back and forth across the net dividing the table. After that, we slowly make our way back to the care home. Several times, he points his hands toward the sky, as if he wants to tell me that outside there is freedom, and that there is no room for his illness there.

When it rains, we stay in his room, where we still play with the ball, play cards, and enjoy the board games. All of this feels like a reward for my inner child, for little Petra, who loved being outside with neighbors, cousins, and friends, and who loved playing board games.

So in truth, my only task as a volunteer is to surrender to the wishes of the resident and to receive everything life is offering me in that moment.

A Life Formula I Learned from Louise L. Hay: What You Give, You Receive

In the case of accompanying a dying person, this principle becomes multiplied. When I accompany someone who is dying, I give my time, but in return I receive love multiplied a thousand times over. It shows itself in the attention that the dying person gives back. And through all of this, an invaluable gratitude is released—a gratitude that is perhaps the best formula for a rich life, right up to the last breath.

Why I’m Sharing This With You

You do not need to be a hospice volunteer to give and, in the process, receive even more.

Many times in life, there will be opportunities to accompany loved ones, friends, neighbors, or acquaintances who cross your path during the final chapter of their lives. I believe you may already have had such an experience yourself—one that you may be happy to share, and by doing so, encourage everyone around you to see that when you give, you receive in abundance.

And with this gesture, you help humanity make the final season of our lives one of the most beautiful. A thought that always stays with me is this: The better it gets, the better it gets. I believe this is true even when our lives are coming to an end.

The more I reflect on death and loss, the richer my life becomes. That is why I devote my time to these topics and why I share them with you so gladly. You can read more about my work here.