The main thing I changed in my partnership

I got married for the first time when I was 26, and after 13 years of marriage, I made a conscious decision to divorce. After the divorce I was in a few more short relationships before I met Gregor, whom I married in 2022. It was only when Louise Hay's philosophy of change your mind and you will change your life came into my life that my outlook on partnership changed completely.

DIFFERENT PARTNERS, SAME RESULTS
By the time I met Gregor, my husband, I had lived the same life in my first marriage and in my other partnerships. And the most interesting thing was that all the partners who were in a relationship with me were completely different from each other. So, if we draw a line, who was responsible for my relationships ending.

I WAS THE ONE WHO DIDN'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY LIFE
What do I mean by that?
No matter who I was with, the same thing started happening to me in all my relationships. I am an Aquarius horoscope who loves water and freedom. And in no relationship did I feel freedom. It felt like I was in a vicious circle, like I was playing Sleeping Beauty, who has everything but no freedom. None of my partners restricted me, but the fact is that no one respected or valued me. WHY?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T RESPECT AND VALUE MYSELF
Today I know that I was not respected and valued in those relationships, and I also know one important thing that is essential for any relationship. I took one huge step when I met Gregor:

I STOPPED BEING A MOTHER TO MY HUSBAND - YES, THAT'S THE SOLUTION THAT SAVES EVERY MARRIAGE
I often see this with the golden couples who come to my 6-week programme TWO WHOLES TOGETHER, where one of them takes on the role of mum or dad, but does not play the role of husband or wife.

So do you ever say this:
will you have a salad with lunch? No, but you know how healthy that is for you.
Have you showered, brushed your teeth?
but you're going to wear this, and, hey, it's not appropriate for such an event. Yeah, to a 30/40/50/60 old person, that's what we're saying.
Or
I'll take care of you, just stay at home, you don't have to go to work, I'll earn for the whole family
I'll do it, because you don't know how to do it, you're not capable (look, she's just a little girl)
I'll drive, you don't have to, get some rest (even if he is very tired)

Well I'm not perfect and still sometimes things like that come out of my mouth, but today I AM AWARE and I AM CHANGING MY THOUGHTS!!!

I AM NOW LEARNING THAT I CANNOT BE A COACH TO MY HUSBAND EITHER
Our family is currently going through a family affair that is not very pleasant. Gregor and his daughter are the most involved in this situation, but it affects the whole family. Since I have been successfully coaching for some time and enjoy it immensely, my first mission was of course how I would now help my husband to get through this situation as easily as possible. And yes, you know what, it DOES work.

WHY
Because my only role in our marriage is to be a WIFE, not a mother, not a coach, not a psychotherapist (which I am not professionally). That's a truth that I learnt quite quickly and stopped pretending that it would be any different for me, even if I am a great coach. All my husband needs from me is that I am his WIFE, that I stand by him, that I speak his language of love as much as possible and that I love him. His love language is dedicated time and words of affirmation, so this moment when he is facing a difficult situation, my only job is to be there when he needs me and to tell him that he is a great father and husband, which is what I believe in my heart, because I have been experiencing it for 7 years of our life together.

I NEED IT FROM HIM TOO
Gregor is my husband and he does a damn good job of it. He keeps my love tank full every day, loves me unconditionally and is always by my side. That is all I need from him and nothing else.

NEVER PLAY THE ROLE OF MY FATHER
This is the most important realisation that when we grow up, women do not need another father by our side, because we have a father and we are adults. But it often happens that women look for a father in the role of their man. An aware man will recognise this and will also help her to come out of this view. If this does not happen, their story can end quickly.

YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE
So when I am in the role of wife and just making sure that I am a wife in the true sense of the word (that doesn't mean that I am a perfect wife, because I am not), then my husband is also by my side, just playing the role of husband.
So, when I respect and value myself, it cannot be any other way than to have a man like that by my side. Because if I have someone by my side who does not respect me, it means that because I persist in such a marriage, I do not respect myself.

So, when my thoughts are focused on my marriage being SUCCESSFUL, LOVING AND FUN, that is exactly what MY MARRIAGE IS.